Rockbrat Wonders: Who Is The Most Ridiculous Looking Band In Heavy Metal? Nelson

Nelson - armadillo on the loose !

Ahhh Nelson. I was never a fan – even though they had a fellow Aussie in the line-up – though I’ve never been much of a patriot. As you would know by now, I went to the beer, black t-shirt, Angus and Malcolm school of rock. Poodle head acts like Nelson were not on my rock radar. Thankfully. Their time of success was near the end of the hair-metal boom – before shit like Ugly Kid Joe had their two minutes which is right around the time Geffen unleashed Nevermind and…well you know the rest. I just came across this image whilst CD shopping and fell about laughing ! Let’s take a look ! The shirtless dude in the centre is Bobby Rock the drummer – he of Vinnie Vincent/Nitro fame (and I use the word loosely). Muscle bound guys in rock ? There’s been a few – Kane Roberts, Glenn Danzig and add Robert Rock. Bobby Rock ! What a silly name. Almost Disney approved but back then you just had to have a cool rock n roll name right ? His name is hilarious though nowhere near as silly as Taime Downe or Rikki Rokket (barf). Maybe all the men of steel should form a band and take on Manowar ? The short handsome guy second from right is having an epileptic  fashion fit nightmare. A headband and a ‘peace’ necklace with a vest and some manly bracelets. Dude, what is going on ? I also wonder if he was standing on a crate ? The jowelly guy to his right has gone for the campy white girl’s blouse. Looks like he don’t mind the pastries and he is pictured trying his hardest to look all tough like. Not very convincing when you’ve just been to the hair stylist mate. Guitarist Brett Garsed at left is off the radar. He was part of John Farnham’s band in the 80’s (yikes) which was a good meal ticket I imagine. I saw him playing in Paul Stanley band some time back and he is a great guitar player. As for the Barbie Twins (remember them ?) – Gunner at left (I think) is sporting a tye-die silk shirt which is knotted as well. Looks as though he’s brought his armidillo to the photo shoot just in case. Not at all sure if his clone has also brought a packed lunch, but he has gone the knotted shirt too. Always a safe option. It’s all very, very ridiculous folks. You never can judge a book (or band) by its cover, but in cases like this – you can. Next.

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