It’s fair to say the boys from Northern Sydney outfit INXS didn’t sell zillions of records on their looks. Sure Hutcho was the image and focus of the band but even he had the look of a geek – especially during their early years. Again, let me re-iterate (before casting the lethal magnifying glass over Australia’s finest), that I do dig some of their tunage. ‘Kick’ was a great record but when the rock world really was theirs for the taking, they go and release a follow-up single called Suicide Blonde which was horrendous. Where was the hook and catchy chorus ? It was abysmal. And let’s call a spade a spade here – when I was a denim clad metalhead in the early 80’s, Kiss, Dio and Maiden were my heroes, whereas local acts like INXS were dorks and indeed a ‘girl’s band’. Did this act ever have a stylist ? Check out the 1980 Simple Simon period. Total nerdsville my friends. Actually Rockbrat co-hort the Gig Lizard told me that he was astonished (after hearing the non-sensical Simple Simon), that they went on to achieve the success they did. Agreed ! Today’s picture is lifted from a Japanese festival concert program circa 1984. The show was called FM Live-Alive 84, and featured some real rock heavyweights. Big Country, INXS, The Motels, The Romantics and Style Council. I sure hope this event was licensed because this was one hell of a weak line-up. Why not call it ‘Wimp Rick 84’ ?! So onto the image and FMD I don’t know quite where to start. First thing which bothers me is Hutcho’s mullet. It’s an improvement from his awkward 1979/80 era no doubt, but a mullet is a mullet anyway you look at it. What was it that Noel from Oasis said to him as he accepted an award from Hutchence at the Brit Awards in 1996 ? ‘Has beens shouldn’t be giving awards to gonna-be’s”. Cue laughter folks cos THAT is funny ! Below him is guitarist Tim Farris , who was also was a fan of the mullet. He’s gone for the early 80’s favorite of skinny tie and jacket. Something Mr Rockbrat never did….ever. It looks to be one of those ‘skull’ type skinny ties as well, AND he’s wearing an aeroplane brooch ? Good lord, where the hell is that f#%ckin stylist !? Of concern is Kirk Pengilley at front right. ‘Hey McFly !’ You know it ain’t the horn-rimmed spex, or that fact that he played a trumpet or whatever. Cos anyway you look at it, Pengilley was the most unlikeliest looking rock star you’ll come across. He’s gone for some kind of bouffant hait style to match HIS skinny tie and dinner jacket. The guy at the front (Gary Gary More More Beers Beers) in the blue jacket coulda been in any number of new wave bands (ie Cockroaches, Eurogliders, Dynamic Hepnotics etc) as he has that ‘look’ . The formal jacket is again favoured by the guy behind him. Did this band have some kind of endorkme…I mean endorsement by a Formal Wear company ? Horrible. You can see folks why bands like the Ramones, AC/DC, hell even Quo, found a fashion formula which worked and they never strayed. Of major, major concern is Andrew Farris at back. Was this groupie magnet taking the piss with that moustache and chin hair ? Surely he was. he was a bit or a pie-eater as well from memory. He must look back at this period and cringe, and I ain’t even gonna mention that cardigan cos that belongs on a drone-like inner city office-worker and not on a rock star. You get that ? Time this band called it quits and went fishing for good. Next !