Rockbrat Wonders: What Was The Worst Festival Line-Up ?

double my caffeine pills and No Doz - fast !

As previously mentioned in a pasting of INXS, the Japanese teens in the 80’s had to endure some absolutely bizarre (read awful) festival line-ups. One look at this line-up from 1988 is an indication that the promoter had no knowledge of music, was seriously ill, or was just happy to secure any western acts. Look up the word ‘boring’ in an (online!) dictionary and you will see a mention for this particular show at the Tokyo Dome. If you were into bland soft rock this was indeed your day, friend. The mighty Hooters bust (ahem) onto the stage early in the day to be followed by Art Garfunkel. Sheesh. I can appreciate Simon and Garfunkel as much as the next music connoisseur, but I mean really ! Things started to get more serious with the arrival of Boz. Was he deserving of a festival stint in the late 80’s ? Ten years prior maybe. The headliner was Billy Joel. Sorry I was nodding off just typing his name. I am not a fan of Billy Joel. In fact, I cannot stomach him at all. Hearing ‘Piano Man’ on the classic radio stations has me reaching for the handgun and phoning Lifeline. I remember pissing a big Billy Joel fan some years back at a bar in upstate NY. This guy was not happy to have finally been told the truth after all these years – that Billy Joel was indeed – shit. “The Day Of Thanks For You” read the promotional blurb. I can only hope that this was poor english as this day would’ve been anything but rewarding. Of course the most bizarre things about this line-up was “The Imp”, aka Chris Impellitteri – the 80’s Marty Friedman, who opened up proceedings ! This is like having Duran Duran on a biker festival bill. 1988 so I reckon Graham Bonnet woulda been fronting the Impellitteri outfit – before his short-lived stint downunder, guesting with The Party Boys. I can only hope that speed or no-doze were given out free. Though I see Kirin was a sponsor so at least this snore-fest was licensed…. Yes folks, one of the more bizarre concert gatherings. Next.

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